When I was your age...

...I would've been beaten with a belt if I screamed like that.

If I ever decide that I want children, I'm charging all of you reading this with the task of reminding me of this blog post.

I cannot control the minds of children, so I should not have them.
I cannot let go of the little things.
I cannot stand them touching my stuff.
I cannot stand constant chatter, screaming, and crying.
I cannot handle someone that cannot form a sentence.

I am NOT ready for children, and I don't know that I ever will be.

Suffice it to say, my nieces are visiting for the summer. Sweet kids, I'll give you that. And I do adore them. However... It's an adjustment. I'm just not used to the lifestyle that comes with kids.

I'm also adjusting to my thoughts about my recent road trip to Florida.

Please don't misunderstand, I had a great time. It was a bittersweet homecoming, though. There are so many things I miss about St. Petersburg. And yet... there are so many things that I thought I missed that I actually don't. Not anymore.

It will be six years in November that I've been in St. Louis, and I still couldn't tell you if this is where I feel at home. I'm not sure. I know that some part of me will always love St. Petersburg, and will always consider it home. I have people to anchor me there, but so many of them are leaving, or changing.

Most of them have children, and plenty have husbands. Some of my oldest friends aren't even in town anymore.

But, there are two three things that keep me coming back:

3.) Food. Holy hell. I was reminded on this last trip how good some of the food down there is. Two words: Tarpon. Springs.

2.) My family. We may not be ridiculously close, and we may not talk much, but I do still love them.

1.) Burgy. Now that she's there... I have no reason not to visit. It's been an adventure, repairing the rips and tears in our friendship, making it better than it had been. And now that we're in a great place, we live 1200 miles away from each other. Thank you, universe, for continuing to be ironic.

The friend thing still mystifies me. I guess I've been struggling lately. Since changing jobs in September, I've lost contact with almost every one at Old Navy. People that I worked with for 5+ years, people that I thought were some of my closest friends. No falling out, no arguments, no discussion. Simply... cut off.

It's certainly made me MORE aware of the friends that I do have, though. Although I don't see anyone as often as I'd like, I'm certainly more grateful for the relationships I've managed to create here.

I suppose I'm a ball of emotions, these days. I'm over-tired from handling the kids, I'm stressed because the color guard season is starting soon, and I feel incredibly unprepared and underqualified. I'm worried about grad school starting in the Fall. I'm still sorting out the boy department.

I shouldn't complain. Life is actually really okay these days. I feel a bit like I need a vacation from my vacation, but I'll live. I just need more sleep, and more caffeine.