I've learned that most people are bipolar in how much they like me. Some days, we laugh. We have fun. We get along swimmingly. Then, on other days, like this one, they completely flip out when I stand up for myself and say "no."
I'm easily bullied and pushed around. I guilt myself into saying "yes" to anything and everything. I'm too nice to say "no," to say when enough is enough, and to have a spine. Most people take advantage of that. I can name on just a few fingers the people that have NOT done that to me in my life.
Sadly, most of them are recent additions to my friend pool. Don't misunderstand, the noobs are great. They are some of the best. But, it shows that I've been, thus far, sadly unable to tell the difference between a real friend and an asshole.
I used to believe that saying "yes" all the time would get me somewhere. It would make me more friends, it would make me more likable, it would get me promoted. Instead, all it has done is make me tired. I tend to overbook myself, and then turn into a giant flake when push comes to shove. I make plans and say "yes," and then I cancel so I can crash on my couch and be a potato. Then, commence with profuse apologizing. It's not the best way to make or keep good relationships alive, but it's the only way I've learned to do it so far. Now, more often than not, I just feel guilty. And tired. Exhaustively guilty.
This journey to self discovery has been difficult, but it means that I'm going to need to straighten out my back bone, and use it every once in awhile. Welcome to real life, Kate. Time to be a big girl.
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